I am the proud father of two lovely girls, whom I love to the moon and back! I want to protect them with my life and bring them up with wisdom, so hopefully when they get older they will have a solid foundation of faith, hope, love and truth to stand on. Sometimes I feel that I’m doing a pretty good job. Other times I fall short. In my attempt to teach them about what is right and what is wrong, my best shot has been to tell them and hope that they will catch what I’m saying. Frustrations are sometimes high when they don’t get what I am trying to teach them.
I have come to understand that my uttering of truth about a situation sometimes is based on fearful perceptions of what might happen, which in turn may lead to a fulfilment of what I spoke about (a so-called self-fulfilling prophecy). You probably don’t do this, but for instance, if we say to our kids: “If you continue to watch this TV show, you’ll be influenced by its bad moral and start to think that some of the stuff you see is okay.” In saying things like this, I realise that we’re in danger of making statements that usher our kids into the kind of behaviour we want them to avoid.
Let me explain what I mean: “… you’ll be influenced..” is a formative, confirmative statement, which (unintentionally) associates our kids with the things we aim to teach them not to relate to (e.g. responding with sarcasm). So could it be that our urge to point out what our kids should avoid actually affirms that they are somewhat affiliated with it? I’m wondering if asking questions that raise awareness from within our kids is a better way to teach them to dissociate with unhealthy communication and negative behaviour.
Jesus, who knew everybody and everything, asked questions to reveal truth. To his disciples he asked: Who do you say I am? (Mark 8:29), and to the blind man: What do you want me to do for you? (Mark 10:51). Even to James and John when they came to request a seat next to Jesus in heaven, Jesus, instead of rebuking them, asked: What do you want me to do for you? (Mark 10:36). And when Jesus’ authority was questioned, he responded with a question: About the baptism of John—who authorized it: heaven or humans? (Mark 11:30). Through his questions miracles happened, motives were disclosed and truth was revealed.
Asking questions (relatable to our kids’ level of maturity) as a means to reveal the truth about a situation is not based on prejudice or misconception. It is a way of engaging our kids to discover for themselves, and empowering them to see who THEY are in relation to others, without linking them TO the others. So I’m starting to believe that asking the right questions has the potential to form identity in our kids that prevents them from being fearful, and also helps them to understand that what happens in the world or on the TV screen are not who THEY are.
Eventually we may have succedded in teaching them truth without always having to tell them the truth.