Your time is now

Every now and then something new is being established in us. This could be such a time. It may even be a time to build foundation again. That surely takes time, and we cannot stay passive and just wait for it to happen. It’s very much about turning down the noise around and in us, and letting God go deeper in our lives.

A few years ago I kept myself busy doing a lot of stuff all at once. I had a job with a lot of responsibility, I was in church leadership, and I had a new-born child and a toddler. Something happened all the time, and I was always leaning forward, always focused on the future and asking myself: how can we improve and do things better? In the middle of it all I forgot the most important thing: to seek God and spend quality time with him. My focus was to make things work, and driven by schedule and performance I hoped that God would bless everything I did.

Then I got sick. It started with infections in my body; throat infections, bronchitis and pneumonia. It lasted for weeks. Still I continued to push hard and work as much as I could. I couldn’t stop until my body said no. From then on, I was empty. I could do nothing. For more than five years now I have been fighting Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or ME. 

This new situation triggered a long-lasting test of my identity. Where was my security? In what I do and achieve, or in fact that I am created in the image of God. Where did I find my strength? In my own effort and ambition, or in the power of God and the equipping presence of his Spirit? Did I see myself as less important in the kingdom of God when I couldn’t refer to a position or a platform? I kept coming back to the feeling that I wasn’t that significant anymore.

In the beginning of this challenging and somewhat confusing season, I often prayed: “God, please fix this, make me strong now, so that I can get back to work and do the things I used to do.” During that time I listened to a song, it was a Christian song, and the lyrics said: “Your season will come!” It made me feel that I was supposed to wait for that time to come, and then everything would be alright. One day something inside of me protested, and whispered: “Your season is now!” I sensed that it was God speaking. 

Your time is now! Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Not when your health improves, not when all the things you worry about aren’t there anymore. Not when the economy is better, or the challenges you face in your family, in church or at work have been resolved. 

This experience made me think differently about my situation. I managed to focus more on what I have now, instead of what is going to happen later. In this moment I have my family; a lovely wife and two beautiful children. I have my friends, my dreams, my life, and I have this day. 

“This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!”

I’m learning to lean more on God’s grace than my lack of energy. I am aiming to ask Jesus more often: What do you want me to focus on today? Who do you want me to bless today? What am I going to do today? Jesus has some thoughts about these things, and he has the power I need to do what he wants.

In 2 Cor 12:8-9, Paul says: 

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I grew up being performance-driven, when it was all about what I did.

Then I became a Christian and purpose-driven, and it became more about why I did it.

Now I’m leaning towards being presence-oriented, when it’s about what Jesus does.

I want to do what Jesus does, empowered and led by the Holy Spirit, here and now, today, not when everything is good some time in the future.

Our time is now.